Interracial Couples: 10 Fatal Mistakes You Should Avoid

Interracial Marriage continue to be more prevalent in the US today. The negative influences and social forces against this type of union have subsided gradually through the years. But, there’s no denying that nearly 50 years ago, interracial marriage was not legal in many states and there was only about 1% of interracial marriages reported in America in 1970. In 2013, however, it was reported that it reached to about 12%.

interracial couples

We can’t deny though that interracial couples still face issues concerning their differences as well as social pressures from various different communities. In fact, in one of the surveys done in South Carolina, 28% out of the people surveyed still think that interracial couple should be banned. Racism still influences it. The nagging comments, the lingering stares and vulgar jokes are just few of the many damaging racial issues these interracial couples endure—proving that prejudice-free society is far from reality.

These types of pressures may also be considered as reasons for interracial marriage dissolution. But there are ways to avoid this. Just read the following 10 common fatal mistakes that interracial couples always make.

1. Prejudiced in-laws

This issue is very common to interracial couples and marriages. This, however, can be avoided by showing respect to your partner’s traditional and cultural background. Respect your in-laws and remember to respect their beliefs all the time. It may be too tough to please them, but going above and beyond words and remaining patient are extremely effective. Sooner or later, they will see who you are—someone with a genuine heart—not an enemy and not someone “from a different race”.

2. Opposing values

This is the most common problem faced by interracial couples eversince. To make your relationship work, avoid clashing values. Learn to be more patient and understand your differences. After all, even traditional couples face the same issue. Lean to keep quiet and talk about it when both of you are in good temper.

3. Racial jokes

Avoid racial offenses and jokes that trigger misunderstanding and conflict. When you are around with friends, let them know that you don’t appreciate racial comments even if it’s done in a joking manner. It would also be best to avoid people who would only give you and your partner stress. It’s not worth it.

4. Judgements

Human, by nature is judgmental. When you are in an interracial dating or relationship, make sure to avoid judging or comparing your partner’s way of thinking and behavior with yours. Instead, focus more on your similarities because this is, after all, the reason why you found each other. Skin color doesn’t have anything to do with ideas of compatibility.

5. Being afraid

Interracial couples are tough and independent. Being afraid to ask questions if you want to know more about your partner’s ethnicity will help you understand his/her background more. This will avert miscommunications and misunderstanding. But prior to dating, you should have at least done your assignment. Research the basic things that you should know about his/her cultural background.

6. Ours is different

There’s no such thing as “ours is different”. When you’re into interracial relationship, do yourself a favor of accepting the fact that just as any other interracial couple, you too, will experience uncomfortable remarks and situations that you have to face in order to survive. You can’t say your relationship is different because it is not. Accept the fact that you will be meeting some of your partner’s racist acquaintances, friends and family. This may not happen all the time but it will happen at least once (if you’re lucky).

7. Mentioning race in any conversation

The word race in interracial relationship seems to trigger a conflict. No matter matter what race of the one you love is White, Black, Hispanic, Asian ext, you should avoid this word as much as possible. It will be helpful to shorten the distance of two hearts.

8. Distrust

In any kind of relationship trust is always a must and the best policy. Distrust conveys jealousy, egocentricity and it can be very fatal too. There are lots of culture differences for the interracial couple and trust is more valuable for a perfect interracial relationship. As an experienced woman with a successful interracial marriage said, “Ultimately, what’s important to me and the things that I heavily considered before agreeing to marry my husband were that facts that I can trust him, that he loves me, that he respects me, that he is kind to me and to others.”

9. Ultimate desire should be mutual

Couples must be open when it comes to their ultimate desire. At an early stage of a mixed relationship, determine your partner’s goal. This shows how serious you are. So, you have to find ways on how to define where your relationship is going. Ask your partner what he she thinks about biracial children or interracial marriage. Similar expectations and common conviction plays a major role in this type of union. Avoid assuming, or you’ll end up broken.

10. Cultural differences

Simply avoiding to talk about your cultural differences as a couple is fatal in an interracial relationship. At an early stage of the relationship, you need to know how your partner’s cultural differences affect your own culture. If both of you are willing to talk about it, it would be a lot easier to understand each other’s view making it a lot easier to accept one another. Cultural differences may include religious belief, food preference, cooking style and lifestyle so as early as possible, just imagine the scenario. But by talking about it, you will be able to understand how you would react on certain situations. Not knowing anything about your partner’s culture could be fatal, so talk about it as early as possible.

Although it seems like interracial couples are very common these days, it still poses unique challenges. Famous interracial couples and celebrities are not exemption to this bigotry. Many multiracial couples had speak out about the insult they’ve faced from our society, while many of them endure, many couples parted. It is comprehensible. Rejection and fear are just two aspects that you have to overcome when you are into interracial relationship. It can possibly be harder compared to those that are not into this type of union but the idea that is has to be avoided because it is hard to keep it should be also be avoided.

It’s indeed true that love sometimes love is not enough. As an interracial couple, better understanding and acceptance of each culture and tradition are the keys to a lifetime romantic interracial marriage or partnership. These interracial couples 10 fatal mistakes you should avoid will help you make your relationship, not only better but also long-lasting.

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17 Great Interracial Relationship Skills that You Must Master

It’s obvious that the world has become more connected due to the internet. Facebook, Twitter and other social media platforms play a significant role on interracial relationship especially when interracial dating sites started to become popular.

In the United States alone, interracial dating have become more and more common. You would see white guys dating a black women or vice versa and people around doesn’t seem to care at all. It’s like a normal thing. Is it because racial barriers have crumbled? Or is it because people just don’t care anymore?

The truth is that, although intercultural and interracial dating seem to look normal, there are still a lot of people who oppose it. If you are an observant or if you have friends dating someone different from his/ her race, you would have probably notice the “issue”. It may not be a big issue to them—the people involved—but to their parents, friends, coworkers as well as the general public, it could be a big issue.

7 Challenges about Interracial Relationship

interracial relationship problems

1.Your parents’ disproval– some people tend to spend so much time deciding on telling their parents about their relationship. Some are not even willing to tell their parents about it because of the pain and resentment they will be facing once their parents disapprove on this.

2.Family and friends’ disapprovals– your family and friends might suddenly keep their distance to show their disapproval.

3.Public negative reactions– public negative reactions such as sarcasm and other indirect response such as stare, shaking heads when you enter an establishment with your partner or you (or your partner) not being welcomed in a gathering or any community events.

4.Core values and beliefs differences – sometimes, even the slightest thing plays a big role in a relationship—multiethnic or not. The couple must have an agreement at the start of a relationship. An agreement to respect each other’s values to normalize their daily activities. Undeniably, couples who share the same core values have more chance of building a happy and long lasting relationship.

5.Religion– this is a very common issue that interracial couples have to face. It cannot be set aside especially if each one is devoted to their own different religion.

6.Racial Fetishes– are you into this relationship because it makes you feel good about yourself? Some people may think of your relationship as some type of an obsession but if your motives are pure, what they say behind your back wouldn’t matter.

7.Political point of view– aside from religion, core values and other customs and traditions, different political point of views play a substantial role and poses a great issue in an interracial relationship. There will be tough moments of conversation regarding this issue but if you know how to handle it, this wouldn’t be an issue at all.

Read also: The Challenges of Interracial Love

When you are into interracial dating, there are skills that you have to know to overcome the challenges along the way.

17 Skills Required to Succeed in Interracial Relationships

interracial relationships

1.Keep good communication- Just as any other relationship, one thing that will surely make your relationship last a lifetime is good communication. This is the first and foremost skill you have to know so learn to communicate well. Communicate your thoughts and feelings in a way that wouldn’t hurt your partner. Language barrier is one big issue on this type of relationship but if you will find a way to understand and communicate well, nothing is impossible.

2.Understanding differences– For couples from vastly different culture, differences can be more noticeable. Of course, we know that we all have differences and sometimes, we can easily adapt to it but when it’s too vast, communication is still the key to understanding the differences.

3.Respect your partner– this is a skill that you better have especially if you want to keep your partner. Respect his/her differences. The fact is, even when you’re not in an interracial relationship, you have to respect your partner all the time.

4.Be knowledgeable your partner’s culture and ethnicity– before even thinking of getting into interracial dating, do your assignment. If you get so serious with your relationship, be well-knowledgeable about his/her culture and ethnicity. Know the kinds of food they usually eat during typical days as well as during special events. Also know their customs and traditions. This will give you a full grasp of what not to say and what you have to say during special occasions especially if you are with his/ her family around.

5.Courageous to educate your children– this is something that you should not take for granted. Educate your children; tell them about their dual heritage as early as possible. This will help them identify themselves. It will also help them defend their selves to questions relating to their cultural background.

6.Be aware of negative reactions– studies have shown that black men or women tend to be more aware of negative reactions than their white partners. If you are white, you can show how much you care by being aware of these public retorts so you can acknowledge what your partner is feeling. Ignorance will never be a good excuse for insensitivity. So, educate yourself on things that will help your relationship grow.

7.Have a sense of humor– even during the most trial times of your relationship. Focus more on the positive side. Remember that any negative thoughts create negative emotions. A sense of humor helps promote a healthy environment so be happy all the time. This will relieve stress from any relationship barriers along the way.

8.Honor family heritage and be close to your in-laws– your in laws create a great impact on your relationship. They can support you but they can also be a big hindrance to your multiracial marriage. It’s best to be close to them if you want to make your marriage last forever. Celebrate important events such as your in laws anniversary, birthdays and invite them regularly at your place. Even for couples who come from the same ethnic community, celebrating each other’s traditions, connecting with each other’s families, and accepting family background and lifestyle helps sustain a relationship. The same is true with interracial dating. Prepare something special to let them realize how valuable they are to you. Understand that when you marry your partner from different race, you also marry his/her family. So, celebrate the holidays, family traditions, and other celebrations with both families to know more of their family upbringing. Learning about their culture will give you the idea on how you can deal with his or her family in any given situation.

9.Be honest-interracial dating, interfaith and intercultural marriage can overcome the challenges associated with race but if you’re host to yourself and to your partner, these obstacles will be lessened.

10.Patience– yes, patience is virtue. Do you have enough patience to deal with issues no matter how great or small it may be, concerning your interracial relationship? Ask yourself, can you deal with sarcasm and other negative reactions from this society?

11.Know the signs– Know the sign of a troubled relationship. Know the signs when your partner is no longer interested and try to make things work out as soon as possible. Sometimes, all it takes is a little romance to make a troubled marriage work out. When you know all the signs that your relationship is not working—
For any reasons—do something right there and then.

12.Understand the possibilities of change– we live in a world where changes happen day in and day out and we can’t control that. Things and even feelings change and that’s fact. Although there may be some ways wherein you can still do something to keep your partner’s feeling come back, at the end of the day, he/she has to come back on his own free-will. And if the feeling is no longer mutual, your good communication skills will do the rest of solving this issue.

13.Managing marriage– in any marriage, the ultimate goal should be a long and lasting relationship. NO marriage is perfect, there is always up and downs but if you are willing to work on it, it will last forever. But, working hard to keep it alone will never work. Both of you have must be willing to do something. Marriage is— as we all know—a lifelong commitment.

14.Be attached-interracial dating starts with attraction and develops into a more serious and intimate relationship. Attachment is a road leading to love and commitment. Once you are on this stage, never forget how you two started because it is what will make your love forever.

15.Understand history– prior to dating somebody from a different race, you need to study and understand history. If you are dating a black man and you’re white, you have to understand the past. This way, both of you will feel comfortable talking about it without hatred in your heart. Also, family discussions may lead to history discussions that cover the noble and ignoble past from different cultures that consist a family tree. When family discussion like this happen, you’ll be able to approach it in a positive way—with an honest and open-minded point of view.

16.Learn to adjust– understanding all these cultural differences will lead to nowhere if you don’t know how to adjust. No matter how big (like going to church on Sundays) or small (eating rice each meal or boiled potatoes) these differences are, you and your partner must agree to adapt to it.

17.Stress and coping skills– millions and millions of people are now into interracial dating and multiethnic marriages. And we can’t deny that. But no matter how great the population is of these type of dating and marriages, we just can’t simply deny the history and its drawback. These cons can give you stress and if you want to keep your partner stay, learn to cope up with these stress. It’ is never going to be easy; there will be negative reaction from family, friends, colleagues and other people in today’s society will definitely give you stress, anxiety and even hatred but if you learn how to deal with it, then your interracial relationship is bound to last.

Individual experiences vary. Some people will find that interracial dating and marriage doesn’t seem to pose any issue. But some are also vocal when it comes to their life experiences after getting into interracial relationship. You’ll even hear people talk about interracial dating like it requires a drastic transformation in one’s lifestyle. It’s because different people have different ideas and perceptions. How they perceive things is a factor that influence on how they talk about interracial relationship.

There will seem to be irreconcilable differences and stressors caused about by the society but in the end, it’s still all up to you. What really matters is your happiness. Your family’s approval may play a huge influence on your relationship but then again, at the end of the day, you have to tell yourself “I am accountable for my own decision”. Though there are still people who value their parent’s approval, your ability to gauge its importance in your relationship is still what will motivate you to keep the relationship going. Everything else is secondary.

People will think it’s odd to see you with a white man because you are black or Asian or from another race, but this should not stop you. Remember that your life is your business and not anyone else. You do not have to prove anything. If things go well, that’s great but if things doesn’t work out too well, you don’t have to stay in a relationship just because you promised yourself you’ll prove your parents, friends or the whole society wrong. Be yourself.

Maintain an effective strategy that will make your relationship last. All proven skills that makes your relationship has to be maintained and improved. These 17 great interracial skills that you should know can certainly help you with the many issues that may come along the way. These skills can help you achieve harmonious interracial relationship. Don’t wait until there’s an obvious sign of problem. Take preventive action to promote positive relationship or successful interracial marriage.

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20 Interracial Dating Tips That You Must Know

We’ve seen a lot of ordinary people, celebrities and other famous individuals getting into interracial dating and marriage and in today’s society, you might even think that there is no issue regarding interracial relationship.

Although mixed ethnicity families exist and are on the rise, we cannot deny the fact that nearly 60 years ago, there are 24 states across the country that had laws prohibiting marriage between individuals of diverse races.

If you are into this type of relationship or are considering dating black (if you’re white) or any other race such as Latino, Asian or Polynesian, there are interracial dating tips that you should know. Merely denying that there isn’t a problem with interracial relationship will not do you and your partner any good. Often times, we find ourselves unable to relate with just simple individual differences mush less, a different race. So, here are essential interracial dating tips that you should know to make it last longer.

interracial dating

20 interracial dating tips that you must know

1. Do your research

Sometimes opening your mind and heart to love isn’t enough. You must also think about cultural differences such as flirting and communicating. Some cultures may be a little too aggressive than others so going a little deeper into your partner’s background is necessary if you are longing for a long term relationship. Sometimes, getting the information directly from your date isn’t a good idea, so better do your own research. This is for you to set your own expectation.

2. Focus on your similarities

We must admit the fact that racism still exist and we cannot deny this fact forever. There’s a lot of diversity in any culture. It’s good to know these differences but always remember to focus more on similarities. This is what will keep your relationship alive. And if you truly love each other, you’ll find ways to adapt with each other’s culture.

3. Ask questions

If you want to know something, ask question. Don’t be afraid and don’t keep it to yourself. It’s better to ask than to simply assume. This is really very important in interracial dating because it prevents miscommunications and misunderstanding.

4. There’s no exception

You can’t say your partner is “different”. This just doesn’t work. A lot of people have been trapped by this dogma of thinking their relationship is perfect because they are different from the rest. While it may sound so awesome to you, everybody else knows, this is not true.

5. Respect your partner’s culture and ethnicity

At an early stage of your interracial dating, you may start identifying your differences. Respect will help you understand your partner’s behavior on many different aspects. It would be a little too tough to understand at first, but if you are willing to learn and understand, it wouldn’t be that difficult to show how you respect your partner’s culture and ethnicity on the way you act when you’re together.

6. Be willing to talk about your cultural differences

At an early stage, do not hesitate to talk about your cultural differences. Find out your partner’s opinion and behavior on certain situations. This will help you become more “open” to future discovery of your cultural differences.

7. Know your ultimate desire

Have you thought about your ultimate desire from interracial dating? What is it that you want from this romantic relationship with your partner from a different race? This question will make you think twice but will surely make you realistic. One of the reasons why interracial relationship, or any relationship become unsuccessful is because the goals in life are far different from the other. If you are serious with a relationship, you might as well share your thoughts with your partner. If you are dating your partner just because of sexual fantasies, then, most likely, the relationship will not prosper. If you can’t imagine fathering biracial children, your partner should also know.

8. Know your partner’s ultimate desire

It is not only your ultimate desire that’s essential because if the feeling is not mutual, your relationship—no matter how intimate it is not—it will all turn to devastation. So as early as possible, get the hints and evaluate. Know his/her intention. Like you, your partner should also have clear vision. And just as any type of relation, there should be future goals together. Then, talk about it. One or two years of a long term relationship might turn to wasted years if you’ll not communicate about your partner’s ultimate desire.

9. Making a statement

To be loved and have someone to love is a pleasing, no matter what color you or he/she may be. Whatever, you hear from everybody else are nothing but commentaries. You cannot please everybody and you can’t control them. They have their own way of thinking. Ultimately, your choice to date interracially may be assumed as some type of hidden desire on your behalf as in making a statement socially, economically or politically. So, your true motivations as well as your partner’s should supersede their thinking. From this standpoint, do your best to maintain a happy successful interracial relationship. So, do not worry about the public perception.

10. Fixation v attraction

Relationship is not like shopping where you have numerous options. One of the reasons why a lot of people say they are loveless is because they have their “own choice”. You can’t just pick and choose. If you meet someone and he/she likes you, think about what he/she may be thinking about you. Are you being looked upon as a potential partner or just someone to hang around to feel better? The point here is whether you are being packaged as a potential mate or not.

11. Assess yourself

When you enter into an interracial dating, just like any other serious relationship, you have to think and assess yourself. Are you strong, courageous, and patient to deal with any issues that may arise from interracial relationship? Are you willing to change in many ways for the love of your partner from a different race?

12. Consider your family

Your family, without a doubt plays a significant role in your life. So, you also need to gauge their perception about you dating interracially. If you are emotionally independent, your parents’ thoughts or reactions may not bother you that much. While there are still a lot of parents who are against this set up, we cannot deny that they are also parents who are equally not that concern whoever their son or daughter date around. Not because they do not care about you but because, they know you can either handle or that they just doesn’t mind your date’s color. They may feel a little estranged connecting with your partner, but on their part, it may not be that important for as long as you both are happy. However, if your family shoes obvious signs of negative thoughts about your partner, then, recognize your date’s reaction to this. If he/she can support you when your family is negative about it, that’s a good sign. If not, you better think twice.

13. Religious belief matters

Religion plays a vital role in an in a relationship. Just imagine the arguments your or your partner can create if your religion contradicts each other. So, to avoid the conflict, learn and understand your partner’s religion. Accept that sometimes no matter how deep a person loves you, it would be too tough to expect he’ll change his/her religion for you.

14. Have fun

Interracial couples or not, when you’re together, have some fun. Don’t think about anything else that will ruin the day. There’s a time for serious communication and there’s time for fun. Be jolly!

15. Be strong emotionally and mentally

If you think you are emotionally and mentally healthy, interracial dating may not just be for you. As we all know, people who are dependent on other peoples’ opinions would always ask for their approvals. If you get into interracial love and ask people—friends, family, coworkers— about what they think about it, then you are putting yourself into a very stressful environment.

16. Breaking Stereotypes

Stereotyping is very common but interracial dating can help break this. Once you enter an interracial relationship, you will gradually realize that what you normally thought about a certain individual is not even halfway true. You see, society implanted this thought to us when we were young and we can’t simply delete this idea on our minds. But the good thing is that when you’re in a multicultural relationship, you would see that these negative stereotypes are all fictitious which makes you become more open-minded.

17. Be ready to be insulted

Although biracial dating and interracial marriage are common these days, being scrutinized is also very common. You will hear a lot of negative words and will be asked insulting questions about you and your partner’s relationship. Be ready to answer by replying with words that will influence their minds. But if you think simple ignoring them is better, then be it. They will either accept the fact that they are being ignored or that they are causing stress. But always be ready. This also requires the understanding that, racism still exists.

18. Do not mention race in your conversation

Mentioning “race” in a conversation can trigger a bad mood. This word is just too powerful that it may either cause terrible fight or create silent war. Don’t mention it in any conversation or meeting with friends, family or relatives. It is better to enjoy the day than spend hours of unnecessary debate. So, avoid using it unless you have to.

19. Understand that love is powerful

We’ve seen people who started dating interracially and ended up in an interracial marriage successfully. The truth is love is powerful and it really does move mountain. So, no matter how diverse your culture and ethnicity is compared to your partner, if love is on the air, everything is else is secondary. You can tolerate, accept and even embrace his/her background if you have found true love with someone belonging to a different race.

20. Do what pleases your partner

Merely knowing and understanding the vast difference of your religion, food preferences, ethnicity and culture is useless if you’ll not find a way to embrace it. It’s like saying you love someone without showing. It’s pointless. So, if you want a long and lasting interracial relationship, make sure you do your job. If in his/her culture, slippers should be left outside the house, then why not leave it there? If in his/her culture, it is mandatory to show respect to his/her parents by asking for their hands and putting it on your forehead while bowing, why not do it? If it makes your partner happy, you’ll do what pleases him or her as long as it wouldn’t hurt you morally.

Race, culture, customs and traditions play a very significant role in a relationship but with proper behavior, it wouldn’t be that complex to relate and adapt to it. But prior to dating someone of different race, consider the pros and cons of interracial dating. Make sure you are knowledgeable about his/her culture and that you are ready to overcome any challenges both emotionally and mentally.

Even though interracial personals are a fast-growing niche among internet interracial dating sites. Interracial dating may still have a long way to go before the word itself is forgotten but the fact that the words race and interracial exists, it wouldn’t be too hard to accept that it might take a thousand years.

But above all, if you found someone who you truly care about and makes you feel about yourself, race should not be a major concern. Interracial dating may not be that easy, especially on the first few years but if you think you have found true love, then go for it. Life is short and it is meant to be enjoyed. And long as you follow these 20 interracial dating tips that you should know, you’re good to go.

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