Like every other kind of relationship, interracial love is fraught with its own challenges. Dating has enough problem even in a setting of what is called ‘societal norms’, same race and all. The idea of going to date outside race into a completely new realm, new culture, new language, different traditions may seem like a thrilling adventure, but adjustments can sometimes be like teaching goat how to bark. Due to these differences, we can sometimes find ourselves in a standstill, when what is supposed to be a romantic deal turns sour. It is advisable you get your facts right and be open to the various challenges before venturing into one.
4 Interracial Love Challenges That You Should Know
You may be open-minded, with no bit of racism in your blood, and in fact, your reasons for trying interracial dating may not even be about different skin colors at all. Nevertheless, do not forget about your surrounding – the immediate society. The idea of interracial romance is still not a generally accepted norm and you have to deal with the few people who will think you are making the dumbest and most irrational decision any person can make on love matters. You have to be ready to ignore such. It is your decision and not theirs.
Yay, you finally scaled the hurdle of discrimination to choose the person you love, but what about the family. You may choose to ignore the society, but family’s influence is stronger and can determine the future of your interracial relationship. Unless there has been a previous interracial engagement in the family, you cannot expect them to take your partner with open arms. In reality, you both may even be scared of meeting your families. It is a good idea to hint your family beforehand to get their opinion or probably convince them why they should accept someone from another race into the family.
3. Differences in opinions
You have had to grow up in a society with its ideologies. Traditions, experiences, all those have helped you create a philosophy of life. Interracial dating brings you to love someone from an entirely different culture and philosophy and clashes in outlooks are bound to happen. These differences oftentimes lead to arguments and unless both parties are willing to overlook them, they may face the worst nightmares of their relationship.
4. Having to deal with fetishism
As a woman, you may have to deal with pointing out the differences between someone seeking to satisfy a fantasy and a sincere lover. They both are not first handedly identifiable, but there are still clues you have to look out for at your discretion. For some, dating women from a different race is like amassing trophies to boost their self-esteem. Someone who tells you his dream has always been to date someone from your race may just be another fetishist.
Interracial love is a beautiful thing, if you are willing to face the pending challenges and allow love and romance with singles from different cultures, races and even borders to take its course. Besides, you can can get help or support on some interracial dating sites. You can ask other experienced interracial couples who love to share their thoughts or read some interracial dating techniques on mixed race dating forums to overcome the difficulties you will meet in the biracial relationship among the singles with different races as the Black, White, Asians, Latinos, Native and more.
Interracial Marriage continue to be more prevalent in the US today. The negative influences and social forces against this type of union have subsided gradually through the years. But, there’s no denying that nearly 50 years ago, interracial marriage was not legal in many states and there was only about 1% of interracial marriages reported in America in 1970. In 2013, however, it was reported that it reached to about 12%.
We can’t deny though that interracial couples still face issues concerning their differences as well as social pressures from various different communities. In fact, in one of the surveys done in South Carolina, 28% out of the people surveyed still think that interracial couple should be banned. Racism still influences it. The nagging comments, the lingering stares and vulgar jokes are just few of the many damaging racial issues these interracial couples endure—proving that prejudice-free society is far from reality.
These types of pressures may also be considered as reasons for interracial marriage dissolution. But there are ways to avoid this. Just read the following 10 common fatal mistakes that interracial couples always make.
1. Prejudiced in-laws
This issue is very common to interracial couples and marriages. This, however, can be avoided by showing respect to your partner’s traditional and cultural background. Respect your in-laws and remember to respect their beliefs all the time. It may be too tough to please them, but going above and beyond words and remaining patient are extremely effective. Sooner or later, they will see who you are—someone with a genuine heart—not an enemy and not someone “from a different race”.
2. Opposing values
This is the most common problem faced by interracial couples eversince. To make your relationship work, avoid clashing values. Learn to be more patient and understand your differences. After all, even traditional couples face the same issue. Lean to keep quiet and talk about it when both of you are in good temper.
3. Racial jokes
Avoid racial offenses and jokes that trigger misunderstanding and conflict. When you are around with friends, let them know that you don’t appreciate racial comments even if it’s done in a joking manner. It would also be best to avoid people who would only give you and your partner stress. It’s not worth it.
Human, by nature is judgmental. When you are in an interracial dating or relationship, make sure to avoid judging or comparing your partner’s way of thinking and behavior with yours. Instead, focus more on your similarities because this is, after all, the reason why you found each other. Skin color doesn’t have anything to do with ideas of compatibility.
5. Being afraid
Interracial couples are tough and independent. Being afraid to ask questions if you want to know more about your partner’s ethnicity will help you understand his/her background more. This will avert miscommunications and misunderstanding. But prior to dating, you should have at least done your assignment. Research the basic things that you should know about his/her cultural background.
6. Ours is different
There’s no such thing as “ours is different”. When you’re into interracial relationship, do yourself a favor of accepting the fact that just as any other interracial couple, you too, will experience uncomfortable remarks and situations that you have to face in order to survive. You can’t say your relationship is different because it is not. Accept the fact that you will be meeting some of your partner’s racist acquaintances, friends and family. This may not happen all the time but it will happen at least once (if you’re lucky).
7. Mentioning race in any conversation
The word race in interracial relationship seems to trigger a conflict. No matter matter what race of the one you love is White, Black, Hispanic, Asian ext, you should avoid this word as much as possible. It will be helpful to shorten the distance of two hearts.
In any kind of relationship trust is always a must and the best policy. Distrust conveys jealousy, egocentricity and it can be very fatal too. There are lots of culture differences for the interracial couple and trust is more valuable for a perfect interracial relationship. As an experienced woman with a successful interracial marriage said, “Ultimately, what’s important to me and the things that I heavily considered before agreeing to marry my husband were that facts that I can trust him, that he loves me, that he respects me, that he is kind to me and to others.”
9. Ultimate desire should be mutual
Couples must be open when it comes to their ultimate desire. At an early stage of a mixed relationship, determine your partner’s goal. This shows how serious you are. So, you have to find ways on how to define where your relationship is going. Ask your partner what he she thinks about biracial children or interracial marriage. Similar expectations and common conviction plays a major role in this type of union. Avoid assuming, or you’ll end up broken.
10. Cultural differences
Simply avoiding to talk about your cultural differences as a couple is fatal in an interracial relationship. At an early stage of the relationship, you need to know how your partner’s cultural differences affect your own culture. If both of you are willing to talk about it, it would be a lot easier to understand each other’s view making it a lot easier to accept one another. Cultural differences may include religious belief, food preference, cooking style and lifestyle so as early as possible, just imagine the scenario. But by talking about it, you will be able to understand how you would react on certain situations. Not knowing anything about your partner’s culture could be fatal, so talk about it as early as possible.
Although it seems like interracial couples are very common these days, it still poses unique challenges. Famous interracial couples and celebrities are not exemption to this bigotry. Many multiracial couples had speak out about the insult they’ve faced from our society, while many of them endure, many couples parted. It is comprehensible. Rejection and fear are just two aspects that you have to overcome when you are into interracial relationship. It can possibly be harder compared to those that are not into this type of union but the idea that is has to be avoided because it is hard to keep it should be also be avoided.
It’s indeed true that love sometimes love is not enough. As an interracial couple, better understanding and acceptance of each culture and tradition are the keys to a lifetime romantic interracial marriage or partnership. These interracial couples 10 fatal mistakes you should avoid will help you make your relationship, not only better but also long-lasting.
We’ve seen a lot of ordinary people, celebrities and other famous individuals getting into interracial dating and marriage and in today’s society, you might even think that there is no issue regarding interracial relationship.
Although mixed ethnicity families exist and are on the rise, we cannot deny the fact that nearly 60 years ago, there are 24 states across the country that had laws prohibiting marriage between individuals of diverse races.
If you are into this type of relationship or are considering dating black (if you’re white) or any other race such as Latino, Asian or Polynesian, there are interracial dating tips that you should know. Merely denying that there isn’t a problem with interracial relationship will not do you and your partner any good. Often times, we find ourselves unable to relate with just simple individual differences mush less, a different race. So, here are essential interracial dating tips that you should know to make it last longer.
20 interracial dating tips that you must know
1. Do your research
Sometimes opening your mind and heart to love isn’t enough. You must also think about cultural differences such as flirting and communicating. Some cultures may be a little too aggressive than others so going a little deeper into your partner’s background is necessary if you are longing for a long term relationship. Sometimes, getting the information directly from your date isn’t a good idea, so better do your own research. This is for you to set your own expectation.
2. Focus on your similarities
We must admit the fact that racism still exist and we cannot deny this fact forever. There’s a lot of diversity in any culture. It’s good to know these differences but always remember to focus more on similarities. This is what will keep your relationship alive. And if you truly love each other, you’ll find ways to adapt with each other’s culture.
3. Ask questions
If you want to know something, ask question. Don’t be afraid and don’t keep it to yourself. It’s better to ask than to simply assume. This is really very important in interracial dating because it prevents miscommunications and misunderstanding.
4. There’s no exception
You can’t say your partner is “different”. This just doesn’t work. A lot of people have been trapped by this dogma of thinking their relationship is perfect because they are different from the rest. While it may sound so awesome to you, everybody else knows, this is not true.
5. Respect your partner’s culture and ethnicity
At an early stage of your interracial dating, you may start identifying your differences. Respect will help you understand your partner’s behavior on many different aspects. It would be a little too tough to understand at first, but if you are willing to learn and understand, it wouldn’t be that difficult to show how you respect your partner’s culture and ethnicity on the way you act when you’re together.
6. Be willing to talk about your cultural differences
At an early stage, do not hesitate to talk about your cultural differences. Find out your partner’s opinion and behavior on certain situations. This will help you become more “open” to future discovery of your cultural differences.
7. Know your ultimate desire
Have you thought about your ultimate desire from interracial dating? What is it that you want from this romantic relationship with your partner from a different race? This question will make you think twice but will surely make you realistic. One of the reasons why interracial relationship, or any relationship become unsuccessful is because the goals in life are far different from the other. If you are serious with a relationship, you might as well share your thoughts with your partner. If you are dating your partner just because of sexual fantasies, then, most likely, the relationship will not prosper. If you can’t imagine fathering biracial children, your partner should also know.
8. Know your partner’s ultimate desire
It is not only your ultimate desire that’s essential because if the feeling is not mutual, your relationship—no matter how intimate it is not—it will all turn to devastation. So as early as possible, get the hints and evaluate. Know his/her intention. Like you, your partner should also have clear vision. And just as any type of relation, there should be future goals together. Then, talk about it. One or two years of a long term relationship might turn to wasted years if you’ll not communicate about your partner’s ultimate desire.
9. Making a statement
To be loved and have someone to love is a pleasing, no matter what color you or he/she may be. Whatever, you hear from everybody else are nothing but commentaries. You cannot please everybody and you can’t control them. They have their own way of thinking. Ultimately, your choice to date interracially may be assumed as some type of hidden desire on your behalf as in making a statement socially, economically or politically. So, your true motivations as well as your partner’s should supersede their thinking. From this standpoint, do your best to maintain a happy successful interracial relationship. So, do not worry about the public perception.
10. Fixation v attraction
Relationship is not like shopping where you have numerous options. One of the reasons why a lot of people say they are loveless is because they have their “own choice”. You can’t just pick and choose. If you meet someone and he/she likes you, think about what he/she may be thinking about you. Are you being looked upon as a potential partner or just someone to hang around to feel better? The point here is whether you are being packaged as a potential mate or not.
11. Assess yourself
When you enter into an interracial dating, just like any other serious relationship, you have to think and assess yourself. Are you strong, courageous, and patient to deal with any issues that may arise from interracial relationship? Are you willing to change in many ways for the love of your partner from a different race?
12. Consider your family
Your family, without a doubt plays a significant role in your life. So, you also need to gauge their perception about you dating interracially. If you are emotionally independent, your parents’ thoughts or reactions may not bother you that much. While there are still a lot of parents who are against this set up, we cannot deny that they are also parents who are equally not that concern whoever their son or daughter date around. Not because they do not care about you but because, they know you can either handle or that they just doesn’t mind your date’s color. They may feel a little estranged connecting with your partner, but on their part, it may not be that important for as long as you both are happy. However, if your family shoes obvious signs of negative thoughts about your partner, then, recognize your date’s reaction to this. If he/she can support you when your family is negative about it, that’s a good sign. If not, you better think twice.
13. Religious belief matters
Religion plays a vital role in an in a relationship. Just imagine the arguments your or your partner can create if your religion contradicts each other. So, to avoid the conflict, learn and understand your partner’s religion. Accept that sometimes no matter how deep a person loves you, it would be too tough to expect he’ll change his/her religion for you.
14. Have fun
Interracial couples or not, when you’re together, have some fun. Don’t think about anything else that will ruin the day. There’s a time for serious communication and there’s time for fun. Be jolly!
15. Be strong emotionally and mentally
If you think you are emotionally and mentally healthy, interracial dating may not just be for you. As we all know, people who are dependent on other peoples’ opinions would always ask for their approvals. If you get into interracial love and ask people—friends, family, coworkers— about what they think about it, then you are putting yourself into a very stressful environment.
16. Breaking Stereotypes
Stereotyping is very common but interracial dating can help break this. Once you enter an interracial relationship, you will gradually realize that what you normally thought about a certain individual is not even halfway true. You see, society implanted this thought to us when we were young and we can’t simply delete this idea on our minds. But the good thing is that when you’re in a multicultural relationship, you would see that these negative stereotypes are all fictitious which makes you become more open-minded.
17. Be ready to be insulted
Although biracial dating and interracial marriage are common these days, being scrutinized is also very common. You will hear a lot of negative words and will be asked insulting questions about you and your partner’s relationship. Be ready to answer by replying with words that will influence their minds. But if you think simple ignoring them is better, then be it. They will either accept the fact that they are being ignored or that they are causing stress. But always be ready. This also requires the understanding that, racism still exists.
18. Do not mention race in your conversation
Mentioning “race” in a conversation can trigger a bad mood. This word is just too powerful that it may either cause terrible fight or create silent war. Don’t mention it in any conversation or meeting with friends, family or relatives. It is better to enjoy the day than spend hours of unnecessary debate. So, avoid using it unless you have to.
19. Understand that love is powerful
We’ve seen people who started dating interracially and ended up in an interracial marriage successfully. The truth is love is powerful and it really does move mountain. So, no matter how diverse your culture and ethnicity is compared to your partner, if love is on the air, everything is else is secondary. You can tolerate, accept and even embrace his/her background if you have found true love with someone belonging to a different race.
20. Do what pleases your partner
Merely knowing and understanding the vast difference of your religion, food preferences, ethnicity and culture is useless if you’ll not find a way to embrace it. It’s like saying you love someone without showing. It’s pointless. So, if you want a long and lasting interracial relationship, make sure you do your job. If in his/her culture, slippers should be left outside the house, then why not leave it there? If in his/her culture, it is mandatory to show respect to his/her parents by asking for their hands and putting it on your forehead while bowing, why not do it? If it makes your partner happy, you’ll do what pleases him or her as long as it wouldn’t hurt you morally.
Race, culture, customs and traditions play a very significant role in a relationship but with proper behavior, it wouldn’t be that complex to relate and adapt to it. But prior to dating someone of different race, consider the pros and cons of interracial dating. Make sure you are knowledgeable about his/her culture and that you are ready to overcome any challenges both emotionally and mentally.
Even though interracial personals are a fast-growing niche among internet interracial dating sites. Interracial dating may still have a long way to go before the word itself is forgotten but the fact that the words race and interracial exists, it wouldn’t be too hard to accept that it might take a thousand years.
But above all, if you found someone who you truly care about and makes you feel about yourself, race should not be a major concern. Interracial dating may not be that easy, especially on the first few years but if you think you have found true love, then go for it. Life is short and it is meant to be enjoyed. And long as you follow these 20 interracial dating tips that you should know, you’re good to go.